This is what I’m actually interested in these days:
http://www.theinstitute.org/sex.shtml
Nevermind the previous “Needs” post
June 4, 2011Films to watch
June 3, 2011I’m interning for the summer at the Traverse City Film Festival, and part of my job has been browsing through catalogs from several of the major film festivals such as Sundance, Tribeca, Berlin, etc. I was thrilled to see that two of my favorite directors have new films out! The first is Miranda July’s “The Future”
I fell in love with her debut feature, “Me You and Everyone We Know”. Visual poetry with music that makes you smile and a script that bites your little heart. To me, the woman can do no wrong.
The second film is Catherine Breillat’s “The Sleeping Beauty”. She is continuing the fairy tale theme started with her last film “Bluebeard”. I am a big fan of a film she directed several years ago, “The Last Mistress”, though critics have used such descriptors as “melodramatic” and “over-the-top” when discussing it.
They remind me of the screenplay I need to finish writing…
A Dance Between Darkness & Light: My Struggle With Bipolar Disorder
June 2, 2011
A Dance Between Darkness & Light: My Struggle With Bipolar Disorder.
Heard this earlier today on NPR and started crying.
I am the queen of burning bridges.
Needs
May 29, 2011Three words: European Sex Odyssey. That is what this woman needs. I need to have sex in an Italian vineyard, to get tied up at a sex club in Berlin, and to work the day shift at a brothel in Paris. Why the dayshift? I don’t know, I just like to have my nights free. I know, I know. I romanticize everything. Some people find sex work empowering, some find it degrading, and some just find it to be a boring day job. Most people I know from school have such a glamorous view of sex work. They see the “sex” but not the “work”. That is a tangent I will save for another day. Right now I want to talk about the lack of sex in my life. I’m embarrassed to write about it, because sex has been such a part of my identity, particularly in grad school. I haven’t had sex in six months. *Shudder* At first it was intentional. Then it just became a part of my ongoing identity crisis. After experiencing a particularly painful break-up in August, I finally “got one under my belt” in November. It contained all the romantic tenderness of pounding a nail into a piece of plywood. During my walk of shame the next morning I couldn’t help but hum the tune to “Is That All There Is?” I don’t just want sex, and I don’t want to be just sex. Don’t get me wrong, I still have the sex drive of a teenage tigress, but I’m at the point in my life where I need more than just sex. I crave intimacy. This sounds so “Lifetime: Channel for Women” right now, but I’m serious. And it’s true that sometimes I’ve wanted to cultivate a loving, lasting relationship…and sometimes I’ve just wanted to become sandwich filling between a couple of sailors during fleet week, but there must be a way to integrate these two sides of my desire.
Previous Post
May 28, 2011It has been a good long while since I posted anything. I have a weird relationship with the internet. It gives me social anxiety, which is unfortunate since it is the final refuge for the socially inept. You know you have social anxiety when you can’t even speak up through your computer. I feel like the world is moving too fast for me right now. It has been a rough year for this one. Twenty-nine was a doozy, but now that I’ve entered the 30 zone, I’m expecting to pick up the pace. I keep on falling off the conveyor belt of life. I go through long periods of my life when I am paralyzed by fear, and then I demean myself for being so selfish. This past Winter has definitely been such a time. After I finished my degree, I had so much anxiety I swear I started hearing voices. I tripped off the conveyor belt. I returned home to my parents house thinking it would give me a second to get my head together. I don’t know how to live in this world. I see everyone else around me doing it, and I want to ask them how they have it figured out. Everything overwhelms me. I feel like I can barely pick up a fork. I want to help others, contribute to society, create something beautiful, etc. Where is my inner locus of control? I don’t want to be “sad girl”, but right now I’m that woman you see haunting the milk section of the grocery store. The one with unbrushed hair who talks to herself. That’s me. Earlier today I stopped mid-thought on the sidewalk and stared at my shoes for around two minutes before I realized I wasn’t moving. The only thing that tipped me off were the people staring. I’m going to write in this blog more. I don’t even know if anyone reads it, I certainly haven’t given them cause to, since I haven’t published anything in like a year, but I need that to change. I think this will be good for my health, even though I cringe at the thought of publishing some depressed girl snorefest of a blog. I swear this won’t be just that. I will find other things to write about besides my vacillating psychological state.
